


The Good, The Bad, The Miraculous

by kissinggfish



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, F/M, Identity Reveal, Minor Character Death, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, PTSD?, Reveal, i saw an idea and WENT TOO FAR
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-26
Updated: 2016-06-08
Packaged: 2018-06-04 14:45:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 15,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6663028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kissinggfish/pseuds/kissinggfish
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“No!” Chat Noir leapt forward, his hand grasping for the woman as she slipped off the support beam. It was too late. His glowing hand grabbed her arm just as she slipped. Chat always had the same thought and curiosity about his power. What happened if he used his powers of destruction on a human? All physical materials deteriorates when he touches it. His power is to destroy. Would it destroy a life too?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> shout out to my bff gabby and my gf kallie for helping me do this. @kissinggfish on tumblr if you wanna hmu

That damned cat! Ladybug wrinkles her nose and tears down what was obviously a horrible attempt at flattery. Chat Noir took the time out of his day to commission an artist to paint them in an advertisement and proceeded to plaster it all over Paris. She knew it was him; he signed it with his green paw print.

 

Marinette saw one on her way home from school. She was totally outraged, transformed, and has spent the whole afternoon flying around, collecting a huge stack of flyers.

 

Over the years, he's gotten a little better with his constant attempts at wooing her and trying to catch her as she transforms back into her boring human self. If she didn't know any better, she would say he was harboring a huge crush her. But she knew better. It wasn't true. Chat Noir was just an asshole cat with terrible puns. He always has been.

 

“Isn't it paw-some, my Lady?”

 

Speak of the devil, Ladybug thought. “It's horribly inaccurate. I'm way taller than you and you definitely don't have that much muscle.” She smirked and pinched his scrawny arm.

 

“Meowch!” He rubbed his arm. “No need to be so touchy. I thought we looked nice together.”

 

Ladybug rolled her eyes. They've been partners for five years now. He's grown on her, sure, but he is still aggravating. Ladybug threw her stack of papers into the nearest garbage can. “I look like I'm only seventeen.” She totally kept one, it was amazing work.

 

“You don't like it?” he pouts. “How old are you, My Lady? If you're old enough, we could share a bottle of pinot noir over dinner and a movie.” He took her hand, kissing the back of her hand like always.

 

“Down, kitty.” She laughed. It would be nice to finally take up his offer, but they had work to do. “Besides, I'm already in love with someone else.” Adrien popped up in her head, words tumbling out before she could stop them. Damn. She shouldn't have said that.

 

“Scandalous~ who is the lucky guy? Do I know him?” Chat purred.

 

Ladybug didn't answer his questions; instead she swung off the street and towards the Eiffel Tower. Chat followed close behind, shooting guesses at her that were all horrendously inaccurate, including vague descriptions like that one guy who sells hot dogs on the college campus.

 

When they started their adventure together, both teens looked more like an awkward jumble of limbs and little muscle. Puberty and fighting crime constantly brought on serious muscle definition in both of them. Marinette grew a few inches and Chat’s voice deepened. She has curves in all the right places. Chat somehow has the whole hot, lean superhero down to an art. Girls swooned over him.

 

Marinette would be lying if some Adrien posters came down to fit Chat Noir’s. She took most of them down, actually. When she was 16, he came over to play the new Ultimate Mecha Strike V, and they had to go. She kept the one where he posed with Manon up, telling him is because it's Manon’s first professional photograph when he laughed and questioned her. It was totally because Adrien is so ridiculously adorable and the way the sun hits his eyes is just right and his hair looks like spun gold.

 

Adrien wasn't just a distant crush anymore. They've become close friends. They hang out, they talk on weekends, and in preparation for any test they would have study sessions. Alya still keeps trying to get them together. Marinette doesn't decline her offers to help her romantically, but hasn't turned down dates from other people either.

 

Marinette was doing better on a social standing than she used to. Soon after Chloe moved away to study in Milan, Marinette became the new “it girl”. She and Alya were the unopposed leaders of the classroom and students looked up to her for advice, she was invited to everything, and asked about her father's business. Not much changed, in the long run, but not having that constant bully boosted her self-confidence tenfold. Enough to finally be able to talk to Adrien like a normal person.

 

They all stayed close through high school and even applied to some of the same colleges. Marinette and Adrien were both accepted into the University of Paris. Alya went to UPMC with a media scholarship she won using her Ladyblog footage. Alya still lives with her parents, so they see each other often and even take some similar classes. Nino, on the other hand, went to Canada to study abroad, he sends Adrien and Alya postcards sometimes, but communication is few and far between. Marinette wanted to go to England and study fashion there, but her duty to Paris forced her hand to stay with the program at UP. They were so close to discovering Hawk Moth and defeating him once and for all. He was still up to his old tricks, transforming downtrodden souls into doing his dirty work. Their opponents have gotten harder and more aggressive as time passed.

 

“My Lady, where might you be flying off to?” Chat kept up with her easily.

 

“Well, I have a study date with a friend and I'm late. So bug off, kitty cat.” She waved him goodbye, flying off for the library. She made plans with Alya that day to meet up and help each other study math.

 

Chat pouted. “Have fun without me, my lady.” he stopped, letting Ladybug swing ahead.

 

The heroine whipped herself into an alley next to the library and transformed back into Marinette. She opened her little clasp purse for Tikki. Her kwami zipped into the bag, giving her and huge smile and a thumbs up.

 

She walked casually into the library and found Alya sitting down with all her textbook and notebook sprawled out around her. “I'm here!” Marinette waved and pulled up a chair. “So, where are we?”

 

Alya gave her a side hug and jumped right into explain derivatives to her.

 

They spend the next two hours studying and after they left, the duo went for ice cream to gossip with each other. With school picking up, they haven't had much time for talking about each other's social lives.

 

Alya was still dating Nino, off and on of course. There would always be something that breaks them up, whatever their small disagreement was, they come to their senses a week later and make up. She wanted him to come back for the summer; he wanted to stay in Toronto. Alya asked him to try and communicate with her more; he said he was too busy with school. Right now, it was an off period and it looked like it would last for a while. He got recruited for some big production and wouldn't be able to come home for the summer and she was going to be working. They talked about just splitting for good, but staying friends, which led to an argument about him not loving her.

 

When Alya stopped talking about her and Nino’s potential future, she pointed her spoon at Marinette. “So, what's new in your love life?”

 

Last time they sat down and spoke, she was saved by Chat Noir when her Miraculous ran out of time, she had no food for Tikki to recharge herself, so she feigned helpless civilian. He carried her away from danger and the whole time, he was supremely cheesy and over the top with her. Chat held her close and made sure she was okay flying between buildings. He was such a kind and caring individual. If only he was like that with Ladybug.

 

“Nothing too major.” Marinette waved her hand away. “I work at the bakery to help out my folks and go to college. Not much time to meet guys.” Not to mention, she had a full time job as Paris’s hero.

 

“Mmm, what about Chat? Any more visits from your kitty cat?” Alya smirked and licked her spoon slowly. “He’s got a thing for you girl.”

 

“He does not.” Marinette scowled. “All he wants is attention. You know Ladybug doesn't pay attention to his cheesy lines.”

 

“But girl, he literally carried you to you room to make sure you were out of harm's way. I've never seen him do that for anyone else.”

 

She did have a point. “That's probably because he knows where I live? He can't remember everyone and where they live.” She should ask Chat what he thinks of her, as Ladybug, of course.

 

“But he remembered you.”

 

“Shut up.” Marinette blushed, looking away.

 

They parted ways when their ice cream resembled soup instead of a tasty frozen treat. Alya rode her bike taking pictures as she went. It was part of a movement piece she liked to call “The City Never Stops”. Marinette got into her car and drove the opposite direction to her parents’ bakery and her home.

 

“Good afternoon, Mama, Papa.” She gave each of them a kiss on the cheek as she said acknowledged them. “How are the croissants?” She turned the oven light on for a moment to see the flaky pastries browning nicely. “I’m _super_ swamped with homework, so I can’t stay down here and help right now. I’ll catch up with you guys later. Bonne chance~” She gave them both a small wave and climbed the ladder up to her bedroom.

 

Marinette dug out her sketch book and sat at her desk to try and sketch a mock up for a homework assignment in textiles. Nothing came to her, so the young woman packed her pencils and climbed to her balcony. She redid a few things since she first claimed the space as hers with plants and a patio chair. Now, it was a cozy little nook for her. The chair was wooden with handmade cushions and cup holders. Her lights were lightly colored string lights that strung up along the edge. Plants thrived on her roof, much more so since she became Ladybug. Currently, she had mint and rosemary growing in one pot, catnip in a separate container near her chair, three window boxes along the edge of her balcony with peonies, lily of the valley and roses. More recently, Nino sent over a small succulent she has been trying to revive since its arrival. Plants don’t do well in closed boxes with no water, travelling internationally.

 

Marinette sat down in her chair and breathed in the fresh spring air. Nothing. She tried making due with small shapes and pull something from that, but still. Nothing. The warm sun lulled her to sleep faster than it would a cat. She can always pick her sketch up when she was struck with inspiration.

 

A scream woke her from her nap. It was still light outside and a quick check of her phone told her it was only an hour later. She leapt into action, looking for the source of the scream. It seemed to be coming from downtown, near her college. And not much to her surprise, a dark cloud loomed over downtown. Marinette beckoned Tikki over, making sure no one was looking when she flicked her hair away from her ear.

 

“Tikki, transform me!” Marinette twirled around and became Ladybug. She gave herself a moment to stretch and wake up. Then, she zipped from the roof of the bakery to the darkening sky.

 

Hawk Moth was at it again. No doubt with school starting up, the akumatized person was a student struggling to balance everything at once. Sometimes, Ladybug is surprised she manages to keep straight As. She could already see Chat on the scene, stalling for time until Ladybug showed up.

 

“What took you so long, Bugaboo? A boy?” Chat teased, dodging an attack.

 

“Actually, I enjoyed a nice cat nap.” Ladybug retorted. “So what's up with her?”

 

“She uses soundwaves to disrupt and destroy anything she aims at.” The cat hides behind a billboard. “What's our plan of attack?”

 

“Let's lure her into an open space and then think from there.” Ladybug joined Chat behind a billboard. “The tower is probably the best spot, very open and easily accessible. What's her akuma?”

 

“Your guess is as good as mine, but my money is on that chopstick in her hair.” Chat pointed at the large ornate chopstick twisting her brunette hair into a bun. “It just looks out of place.”

 

“Let's go then.” Ladybug zipped upward and taunted the Nightingale, as she called herself.

 

Chat followed close behind, spinning his staff to block shots for both the heroes. “She's taking the bait.”

 

“Good,” Ladybug smiled.

 

The superheroes drew Nightingale towards the Eiffel Tower, starting their face off at the top.

 

“Was I not good enough?!” She cried to the sky “If I can't have the crown, no one can.” The brunette woman cackled, soundwaves churning around her and zooming off to render anyone who gets in its way curled on the ground, clamping hands over their ears.

 

Ladybug looked at Chat, nodding at him now would be the best time. “Lucky Charm!” Ladybug threw her pose and earplugs fluttered down from the sky. She knew exactly what to do with it. “Let's go!” She threw herself forward, above the Nightingale.

 

The villain was oblivious to the heroine behind her, focusing on the cat in front. Chat paused for a moment two stories down, giving him a space to activate him power.

 

“Cataclysm!” He shouts, hand stretched to the darkening sky. It was all very familiar, the pose, the dark aura surrounding his claws, the gleam in his eye as his Lady leaps into action seconds before he does. Chat Noir knew what he needed to do. Destroy the ground underneath the Nightingale and Ladybug gets the chopstick as she gets trapped in the rusty pieces of the Eiffel Tower.

 

The superheroes climbed the supporting beams of the Eiffel Tower with such practiced familiarity. They zigzag with each other and landed above and below their enemy. Ladybug already inserted the ear plugs, carefully sneaking behind the villain, impervious to her attacks.

 

She was completely oblivious to Chat Noir, snatching the Akuma and smashing it over her knee in a matter of seconds. Her yo-yo was swinging in another second, capturing the dark butterfly.

 

“Bye-bye pretty butterfly~” Ladybug cooed, releasing the glowing bug out into the day. The job was done, no one was hurt. Ladybug smiled widely, proud of the work she did. It was incredibly satisfying to save Paris and defeat Hawk Moth. She landed next to the brunette woman.

 

The civilian dropped to her knees, unaware of her recent treachery. She started to stand up, wobbly and unsure of herself. Chat saw the event unfold before his emerald eyes. She was going to fall to her death the second she takes a step.

 

“No!” Chat Noir leapt forward, his hand grasping for the woman as she slipped off the support beam. It was too late. His glowing hand grabbed her arm just as she slipped. Chat always had the same thought and curiosity about his power. What happened if he used his powers of destruction on a human? All physical materials deteriorate when he touches it. His power is to destroy. Would it destroy a life too?

 

Now, Chat knew that reality. The woman disappeared with the blink of an eye. Time seemed to stop, his heart shattered. He couldn’t move. He just stared at the empty space in front of him.

 

Ladybug landed right beside him, her blue eyes watched in horror. She removed the ear plugs from her ears and threw them up in the air. “Miraculous Ladybug!” The little bugs flew around them, fixing the damage caused. Buildings rebuilt themselves, fires were put out and scorch marks vanished. She watched patiently to see if the swarm would materialize the woman. But to no avail.

 

Chat stared blankly at the ground. He knew what just happened or rather what didn’t happen.

 

“Chat, I…” Ladybug reached her hand out to touch his shoulder and comfort him.

 

_Beep beep._

 

“I have to go. Meet me here. We need to talk.” Ladybug sighed and turned away from her partner. With a zip of her yo-yo, she was gone.

 

With Ladybug gone, Chat composed himself, stood up and held himself together for the trip home. He couldn’t stay there. His ring was blinking at him, alerting him he only had a few minutes before transforming back into Adrien. Chat barely made it through his bedroom window, crashing onto his bed with a sob.

 

Plagg zipped out from under his shirt, terrified. Of course he knew what just happened. With hunger ignored, Plagg tugged at Adrien’s hair. “Adrien, I need to talk to you.”

 

“Go away Plagg,” he sniffed. “I don’t want to talk.” Adrien threw his arm towards the closet. “Go eat or something.”

 

Plagg hesitated before rushing to the fresh cheese in the small refrigerator. He knew he couldn't do anything to help Adrien right then. He needed to grieve, and Plagg needed to eat.

 

Ladybug dropped herself off at the roof of her home, just like she always does when she had the time. As her feet touched the hard cement, her jumpsuit was replaced by jeans and sneakers.

 

“Oh, Tikki, what just happened?” Marinette sat down, pulling her knees to her chest. “Shouldn't the miraculous powers put everything back to normal?”

 

“Physical objects and physical beings are totally different!” Tikki explained, waving her arms frantically. “All physical objects go back to normal, but did you notice that people aren't affected when you use them? The Akumatized person stays where they were, unaware of where they are or what they did. So are all the people affected by the Akuma.”

 

“But, injuries were healed. No one was ever seriously hurt, right?” Marinette stared in horror at the adorable flying Kwami.

 

“Well,” Tikki rubbed her hands together sheepishly. “Yes, but they remember that pain, Marinette. If a person gets hurt, they still have that scar. And if someone died….” Tikki looked down. “It's happened before

 

“What happened?” Marinette couldn't stop herself from asking. She's always wondered about the Ladybugs and Chat Noirs before her.

 

“She couldn't save her boyfriend; he was killed by an Akumatized person. He was thrown into a raging river as bait for her.” Tikki looked like she brushed away a few tears. “After that, she wouldn't stop moping around, nothing helped. She threw herself into school and work and eventually she threw away the Miraculous earrings. I was left to be found by whoever. Master Fu knew what had happened. He sensed my presence without a Ladybug and he sought me out. After that happened, her Chat Noir gave up fighting because he couldn't do it alone. He blamed himself for not being there in time to help. She found him several months after the incident, apologized for not being good enough. After their meeting, he made the decision to give his ring to Master Fu. It was a long time before Master Fu gave us back to someone. We were hurt and afraid of our own power, just like she was, and just like your Chat Noir must feel now.”

 

Marinette and Tikki spent the rest of the night talking about the ends of other Ladybugs. Some died, some grew old, and some grew tired. Only one person quit because someone died. Marinette hoped and prayed her Chat wouldn't become number two.

 

Before she knew it, the clock struck eleven. They met at the Eiffel Tower at eleven every night and patrolled the city. “Do you think he'll show up?” Marinette looked to Tikki, worried.

 

“I don't know, Marinette. I hope he does.”

 

“Tikki, transform me.” Marinette says, lacking her usual peppy step. All she could think about was how Chat is.

 

Suited up, Ladybug zipped out her window and into the night. They always met at the top of the Eiffel Tower. It took her no time, like always.

 

Chat wasn't there. She swirled around the tower and perched up on the ledge, watching the skyline for the familiar black steak in the sky. Ladybug decided she would wait fifteen minutes before calling him and then go on her patrol.

 

Time ticked by slowly. She kept looking at her yo-yo, checking the time. It felt like a minute had passed in the time it took 30 seconds to pass. Ladybug stood and balanced herself, walking around in circles, swinging her yo-yo in circles.

 

She gave up after five minutes, opening her yo-yo and pressing it to her ear. “Chat?” She looked down, no answer. She tried again and again. Nothing.

 

“Chat Noir, please answer. We need to talk about this.” Marinette clicked it shut and sighed. She couldn't wait around for him forever. The super heroine threw her yo-yo into the night, swinging off toward the school.

 

Adrien lay in bed, looking at the clock. Ladybug would be waiting for him. He should go soon if he wanted to talk to her. He didn’t even know if he wanted to talk to her. What could Ladybug tell him that he didn’t already know? Plagg was sleeping next to his alarm clock, cheese in hand. Typical.

 

Adrien remembered it well, the day he met Plagg. He helped an older man up and was given his ring later in the day. He slipped it on, admiring the engraving. Adrien thought it was a gift from his father to make up for his abhorrent behavior early in the week. Adjusting it against his finger, Plagg appeared out of nowhere and ate everything. He thought about denying his miraculous, but he couldn't help feeling exhilarated and free as Chat.

 

Chat doesn't have a worry in the world. He is reckless, carefree and charismatic. Adrien is locked up, constantly anxious about school and his father's acceptance eludes him. Adrien remembered the day Dark Knight came and threatened his father. Chat was there, barking orders at Gabriel Agreste like he wasn't the man who basically abused him throughout his life. After the fight was won, Adrien returned to his father as himself, to make sure he was okay. His father was beaming with pride. He was in love with Chat Noir and his leadership skills. Gabriel scolded him. “You should be more like Chat. That boy will go far in life.”

 

He couldn't sleep that night. He didn't go to school the next day. Adrien told Natalie he was sick. She made him soup. He dragged on his fake ailment until she insisted he went to the hospital if he didn’t feel better by the morning. It was a week after. Adrien kept up with school work. It was the only thing that kept him going then. Marinette would drop it off and pick it up every day. She was such a nice friend.

 

Marinette came by with cookies from her dad's bakery one afternoon, two weeks after the incident. She didn't say anything, but there was a note attached.

 

_Adrien, I know you've been really sick lately. Natalie says you've come down with a horrible case of the flu or something. I asked my dad to help me make you these feel-better macaroons._

_-Marinette_ _♡_

_P.S. who knows, maybe they'll help, after all they're made with love_

 

Adrien chuckled. The last line of her note wasn't written by Marinette. She wouldn't be so bold. Of course he knew she had a crush on him. Alya told him after her third date with Nino. To be honest, he always kind of liked her back, but was too shy to say something. It was hard to talk to a girl who trips and falls to get away. It's hard to tell your best friend how much you like her, and Adrien still harbored a massive crush for Ladybug. He couldn't do that to Marinette.

 

Adrien savored Marinette’s treats. After three weeks, he told Natalie he didn't think public college was for him anymore.

 

She insisted he stay with it. He fought so hard just to get in, after all. If he gave up, Adrien’s father would be right and never trust Adrien to make more decisions on his own. Nathalie told him to give himself the night to think it over. If he was still insistent on dropping out, she would fill out the forms immediately.

 

He went to bed that night, ignoring Plagg’s attempt at conversation again. Adrien hasn't listened to a single word he said since the incident. Plagg keeps telling him to go patrolling. At least meet up with Ladybug and tell her to stop waiting for him.

 

Adrien turned over, sickened by himself and the smell of cheese. He can't go patrolling. He can't do anything. Her face was emblazoned in his eyes, her terror, her death, her disappearing act. Chat Noir was a murderer. He can't live like that.

 

“Plagg!” He hissed into the darkness, his repeating nightmare waking him once again. Ever since he was able to fall asleep at night again, the scene replayed itself over and over in his mind. Sometimes, the woman was Marinette, his mother, Alya, Nathalie, and Ladybug. “Plagg, wake up.” Adrien waited for the kwami to stir.

 

“Whaaaat?” Plagg purred. “Did you change your mind about patrol after all?”

 

“Plagg... transform me.” Adrien choked back his fears as Plagg was sucked into his miraculous. Chat Noir took one last look at Adrien’s bedroom and leapt into the night.

 

Ladybug probably stopped waiting for him a long time ago. It’s been a month since. Surely she realized he wasn’t coming. Chat Noir looked at the time, quarter til midnight. They always did the same route, so it wasn't too hard to find her swinging from building to building. Chat located his Lady within a minute of vaulting between rooftops.

 

Chat Noir holds back the pain in his voice. “M-my Lady, have you missed me?”

 

Ladybug, startled, released her hold on the next building. “I didn't think you'd come, Chat. After what happened …” She trailed off, looking away from him. “It's been nearly a month. I’ve missed you.”

 

“Listen,” he started, dropping to the street below. “Can we talk?” Chat sighed, moving away from any streetlights, Ladybug close on his tail.

 

“Of course we can. I'm here for you, Chat. I always will be.” Ladybug reached out to touch him. He was too far away and her fingers fell down to her side.

 

“After what happened, I can't do it anymore. I'm giving up my Miraculous.” Ladybug’s blue eyes welled with tears. “Please, don't give me that look. I... I can't live with myself.” Chat Noir hung his head in defeat.

 

Ladybug was nearly crying. “You can't. Please. We've gone through so much. At least talk to Master Fu before doing it. We can go together. Right now. Or talk to Tikki, she might be able to help bring her back. I can-”

 

“No, my Lady, I can't do it.” Chat twisted his ring. “Can I trust you with it?”

 

Ladybug gasped. “Chat, no I can't. It's your Miraculous. I can't let you destroy what we've built.”

 

He shook his head. “I can't let myself destroy anything else.” Chat Noir grabbed Ladybug’s hand, slipped of his ring and ran off into the night as Adrien.

 

Adrien was, by several technicalities, a murderer. He murdered the civilian. He ended Chat Noir. He killed his relationship with Ladybug. He made Plagg disappear.

 

Ladybug gripped his ring tightly and ran after him. “Please, Chat, don't do this!” She was able to catch up to a crying Adrien, hugging him from behind, burying her head into his shoulder blades. “Please,” She was crying now. “I can't do this without you.”

 

“Yes you can, my Lady.” Adrien smiled, giving her arm a reassuring pat. She was so cute. Even with his identity revealed, she still wouldn’t look. “You're obviously the better superhero. I wish you the best of luck, Ladybug.” The tears couldn't stop. He managed to pry himself out of her grasp.

 

“Chat, I'll miss you.” Ladybug sniffled, wiping tears away.

 

“I'll always remember you, and I'll always love you, my Lady.” Adrien gave a weak smile.

 

She flung herself onto him, hugging him and pressing their lips together. Oh, how he dreamed of this moment. This was his first kiss and his first kiss with Ladybug. It was his dream come true. Except that, it was wet. Both teens couldn't stop crying. This kiss was all they had together. It was all the enemies fought, the rolled eyes, puns, goodbyes, fist bumps, the night patrols, the secrecy, the banter, the combat, their friendship, their love.

 

Adrien broke away first. “I have to go. I'm sorry I couldn't be who you needed.”

 

She had to. She had to see who he was. Ladybug opened her eyes, wiped away fresh tears and looked at Chat Noir for the last time. No. She looked at Adrien for the first time.  Part of her inside turned beet red. Another part jumped for joy. Ladybug stood there, stunned. She gripped his miraculous tighter.

 

“A-Adrien…” She started. How should she proceed from here? Her crush was her best friend.

 

Adrien turned tail and ran back to his home. She knew who he was. She knew who the failure was. He couldn’t get away fast enough on two legs.

 

Ladybug felt cemented to the ground. She brought her closed fist to her chest and hung her head. Chat Noir was no more. Ladybug couldn’t bring herself to keep patrolling. She walked herself home, jumped onto her roof and transformed back into Marinette.

 

“Tikki, what should I do? I can’t do this by myself.” She curled up in her desk chair, spinning around slowly. “He gave me his Miraculous…” It sat on her desk, taunting her.

 

“Oh Marinette,” Tikki offered a reassuring pat on her hand. “We need to get him to talk to Master Fu. This can’t happen again.”

 

Marinette nodded solemnly. “I know, Tikki. But I can’t force him into something.”

 

“True, but you can still try.”

 

She sighed. “I need to sleep. I have my textile class in the morning.” Marinette got up and dressed herself for bed, taking her hair out of her signature pigtails. “Tikki, can you make sure nothing happens to his ring? I can't deal with it right now.”

 

Tikki said nothing more, moving next to the ring. It didn't take much longer for Marinette to slip into troubled sleep. Her dreams were full of Ladybug alone, fighting to keep Paris safe. She was thwarted without Chat. Adrien was in danger and she couldn't help him and save the city.

 

The next morning, Marinette threw on comfortable clothes and left her hair down. Adrien’s ring still sat on her desk, untouched. She couldn't leave it here. Marinette dug through her jewelry box until she found an old necklace chain. It'll do for now. She slipped the old charm off and the ring took its place. The weight was more than she wanted to handle. It dragged her mood down further.

 

Marinette left her house, giving her parents a small smile and little conversation. She grabbed her bag and unlocked her car. The girl just sat there for a minute, gathering herself before driving over to Adrien’s house.

 

Natalie opened the gate for her to drive up. She parked her car like she always did and was greeted by Natalie like she always was.

 

“In his room, as always.” Natalie gestured up the flight of stairs.

 

Marinette thanked the assistant and waved her goodbye. She climbed all the stairs, an idea hitting her halfway through. She dug through her bag and produced a pen and paper.

 

_You're not done yet. Midnight. Roof of Françoise Dupont. -LB_ _♡_

 

She rolled it up and took off the ring, sliding the paper through it. Hopefully this works. Marinette navigated the house easily and knocked on Adrien’s bedroom door.

 

“Adrien? It's me, Marinette.” She opened the door slowly. It might have been too early for him and he wasn't awake yet. “I'm here for your homework… you have an English paper due today.”

 

He was curled up in bed, sleeping. How adorable he was. His breathing was deep and slow, rhythmic. His hair was damp and in his face. Adrien’s mouth hung open just a little.

 

Marinette set her note down in front of him, next to the alarm clock. She looked down at him, smiling. Adrien was too precious. The girl turned to leave, but Adrien grabbed her arm.

 

“No,” he slurred. “Please don't.” His eyes were still closed.

 

He must be dreaming, she thought. Marinette shook his hand of her arm and tucked him back under the covers. “Sleep well, Adrien.” Marinette kissed his forehead softly and walked away.

 

Leaving the room, Marinette noticed a pile of text books next to a small stack of papers and a journal. That must be his essay. She walked over and thumbed through the stack. It was all his homework due today. Awesome, she thought. Marinette collected them and tucked it safely into her bag.

 

She left his house, saying goodbye to Nathalie on her way out, asking her to unlock the gate again. Marinette got to college and was completely distracted all class. She couldn't stop thinking about Adrien alone in his room, dwelling on what happened. After her textile class, Marinette made her rounds to Adrien’s teachers, turning in his work and collecting notes. She explained that there had been a death and she didn't know how long he'd be out when his teacher asked when he would be back. They all accepted this excuse and Marinette didn't feel bad about lying because technically she wasn't.

 

After her second class, math, Marinette drive home, picked up a box of assorted macaroons, and drove back to Adrien’s house. They were his favorite.

 

Natalie greeted her happily, saying Adrien went to his modeling thing this afternoon and would return shortly. Marinette asked if it was Adrien doing it because he wanted to or if it was his father forcing him. Natalie didn't answer her question, but told her to head on upstairs and she'll let him know she's here.

 

Marinette sat down in his desk chair, feeling uncomfortable sitting anywhere else. She arranged the pastry box nicely next to his books. Pulling out her phone, she checked the Ladyblog. Alya hasn't posted anything since the incident but old photos of Ladybug and Chat Noir. No comments asking where they were. Hawk Moth was staying oddly quiet, but that wasn't much of a problem in her eyes.

 

Minutes ticked by slowly. Marinette was tired, she didn't get much sleep. Her head kept bobbing down, lulling her to take a quick nap. She couldn't though. She was waiting for Adrien. Minutes turned into an hour. It must be taking longer than Natalie thought. Marinette rested her head on her knees. A few minutes couldn't hurt.

 

“Marinette?” She was woken up by a gentle nudge. “Are you okay?” Adrien was bent over her, concerned. “Natalie told me you were waiting up here, and I come in here and you were on the floor.”

 

“Huh?” She rubbed her eyes. “Sorry, I must have fallen asleep. I didn't get much last night.” Marinette sat up slowly.

 

Adrien laughed. “Why did you pick the floor?”

 

“To be fair, I started out in the chair…” Marinette pouted.

 

“I have a perfectly good bed you could have used.”

 

Marinette felt blush creep up her face. “I didn't mean to fall asleep. I'm sorry. I just came by with notes and you weren't here and Natalie told me up wait and I brought macaroons and-”

 

“Hey, it's okay.” Adrien smiled. “Thank you, it really means a lot to me.” He helped her up off the floor.

 

Marinette offered a small smile back. It's the first one she's seen in a long time. “It's no problem, really. Anything to help you out. I've got to get going. I'll see you Monday.” She waved goodbye and left quickly. The ring was still on the night stand, she noted.

 

Did he ignore it or did he simply not see it? Marinette juggled the possibilities on her drive home. He must have not seen it. Adrien probably want looking at the clock, or just looked at his watch on his wrist, nor the clock. It's small and barely noticeable. He will see it soon though.

 

Adrien watched her leave, making sure she got to her car okay. He sighed as her little red VW zipped around the corner toward her house. She was honestly the nicest person. Natalie had told him that Marinette always looks sad when she leaves and he was sleeping or in a bad mood. This morning, Natalie woke him up and told him his father said to go to the modeling thing or Marinette wouldn't be allowed to visit again. Naturally, that led him outside and faking smiles all afternoon.

 

“She looked happy,” Natalie came into his room with her tablet tucked under one arm. “Your literature professor emailed and asked me when you would be returning to class. He is getting tired of your girlfriend delivering your papers.”

 

“What?” Adrien blushed. “She's not my girlfriend!”

 

Natalie shrugged. “I'm just reading his email.” She offered it out for Adrien to read as proof.

 

“I… I don't know when.” He sighed and sat down. “I don't know if I can handle it.” Adrien looked up at Natalie. “Would you please tell him I'm just not ready? Whatever reason you use is fine. Thank you for helping me all the time.”

 

“It is what I'm paid to do,” She smirked, typing with one hand. “But it's my pleasure, Mr. Adrien.” Natalie closed the door behind her.

 

When it's clicked shut, Adrien fell backwards into his bed and let out a sigh. He knew logically there was nothing stopping him from going back to school. No one knew it was Adrien was Chat Noir, except Ladybug. He didn't even know if Hawk Moth knew of the destruction he caused. The Ladyblog wasn't updated. Did anyone know? Everyone knows you're a murderer. Marinette doesn't act like she knows. Those are pity cookies. She knows and everyone hates you for it. You killed an innocent person. I didn't mean to. It was an accident. You murdered her. You're a murderer! Murderer! Murderer!

 

Adrien threw his head into a pillow and sobbed. He couldn't stop the voice in his head, yelling and screaming. In a desperate attempt at downing out the voice, he turned on music, the radio, the bathroom fan and his shower head. He stripped and jumped into the shower. He scrubbed his skin red, trying to remove every trace.

 

When Adrien stepped out of his bathroom, towel wrapped around him, he felt relief. He spent about an hour under the steady stream of water, just letting it wash him away. Adrien sat on his bed and looked down at his clock.

 

His ring sat there with a note. Adrien grabbed it with shaky fingers. All his relief drained and was replaced by fear and anxiety. Ladybug left him instructions in meeting her. It was in an hour. He couldn't do it. Adrien dropped the ring and turned his back, curling up under his blankets.

 

He fell asleep like that. The hours passed and he stayed safe and sound in his cocoon.

 

Ladybug couldn't help forcing his hand into meeting her. She waited an hour for Chat Noir to show up. After the clock struck one, she flung off to Adrien’s house. He left a window open, so it was easy getting in. Ladybug picked his ring up from the floor, sighing. “Adrien,” Ladybug started, gently nudging his sleeping form.

 

No answer.

 

“Adrien?” Ladybug said, a little louder this time.

 

He stirred, turning toward her.

 

“Adrieeeeen” Ladybug poked his face. “You were supposed to meet me at Françoise Dupont. An hour ago.” She crossed her arms.

 

He snored in response to her. He must have been utterly exhausted. Ladybug sighed and set his ring back on the night stand. She would see how he was feeling in the morning. Ladybug went to the window, sitting at the edge of just a moment.

 

“No!” Adrien screamed and bolted upright in bed, his breaths came heavy and frequent like he just ran a marathon. Tears streamed down the boy's face.

 

Ladybug wasted no time coming to his side. “Adrien, are you okay?”

 

“No, no, no, no, no, no….” He looked down. It was almost as if he didn't see her. “I can't bring her back…” Adrien choked on his words, more tears springing up. “Ladybug, I'm sorry.”

 

“You don't need to be sorry. I know it was an accident.” She took his hand and gave it a reassuring pat. “I promise.”

 

Adrien flung his arms around Ladybug’s waist. “I killed her.” He kept repeating it over and over.

 

“Hush now,” Ladybug ran her fingers through Adrien’s hair, hushing him softly. His sobs became softer, but never stopped altogether. “I'm sorry I tried to push you into coming tonight.” Adrien went limp again within a matter of seconds. He was having nightmares. Ladybug frowned, removing herself from his loose grip. “I'll always be here for you, Adrien.” She sat at the edge of his bed, rubbing his back like her mother used to when she was upset.

 

She stayed with him, comforting Adrien when he woke up in the middle of the night screaming. At some point, her eyes kept closing and unable to stay awake, she curled under the covers with Adrien. She would be gone before he woke up anyway. Adrien turned over and faced her, muttering something about protecting the city.

 

She scooted just a bit further away so it wouldn’t be weird if he woke up before she did. Ladybug found his hand in the dark and held onto it, kissing it softly. “Good night, mon chat.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks to my gf for beta reading a fic for a fandom she's not in  
> thanks to you for reading  
> ilu all

The soft sunlight filtered through the curtains, waking Marinette. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes and yawned. Looking around, she immediately recognized the room as Adrien’s, not her own. She sat up more, slowly remembering why she was in his bed, sleeping next to still-totally-her-crush Adrien.

 

Adrien stirred next to her, turning away from Marinette. Good, he was still sleeping. Does Adrien remember last night? Marinette moved slowly out of the covers, trying not to disturb him. She was entirely unsuccessful, falling out of the bed and hitting the floor with a rather loud thud against the hardwood floors. Naturally, she panicked and ran into his bathroom.

 

“Tikki, transform me!” She stared wide eyed at her Kwami. It was the only solution she could think of. Suited up, she poked her head out of the bathroom, just in time to see Adrien sit up and start looking around for the source of the noise.

 

“Ladybug?” Adrien’s eyes landed on her and he adjusted the covers to hide his legs more. “What are you doing here?” He stifled a yawn and stretched his back.

 

“Looking for your pants,” she retorted, picking sweatpants off the bathroom floor and throwing them at him. “Put them on, I’m not looking.” Ladybug made the point to cover her eyes with her hand before hiding behind the door again.

 

“No, but what are you doing _here_?” Adrien checked the clock. Marinette would be swinging by as usual any minute now. “I can’t be seen with you, my friend would think…”

 

“You’ll see your friends, but not me?” Ladybug moved out of the doorway and held her hand against her chest, aghast. “You’ve been avoiding me for a month and I finally see you and you abandon me. I know this is hard to deal with, but you can't just leave me!” Ladybug felt tears springing up. “I can't do this without you and you know it. We're a team, Chat.”

 

“Paris doesn't need me, Ladybug.” Adrien scoffed and threw his ring at her. It hit his hardwood floors, skittering to a stop near her feet. “You don't need me. You do perfectly fine without me. Nobody cares about me, and nobody cares about Chat Noir.”

 

“You're wrong, Ch--” Ladybug stopped herself. She wasn't talking to Chat. She picks his Miraculous up delicately. “Adrien.”

 

“No, I’m right. Look around. No one cares that I’m not there. They only care about you. You and your precious Luck.” The way he spat the last words felt like poison.

 

“Adrien,” Ladybug started again, catching herself before she tried to call him Chat once more. “Do you really want to throw away everything we’ve worked for? Paris cares about you too, maybe even more than they care about me. You’re so much more confident and brave and, well, you know how to operate when everyone has eyes trained on you. More than once, I’ve frozen because I’ve gotten stage fright with so many people and cameras trained on us. You can always answer interviewers when I’m just a stuttering mess in front of them. You keep me fighting. I need you more than you think.”

 

“It's the mask. You've always said you're polar opposites, you and your civilian identity.” Adrien looked away again. “I was so much more confident, I felt invincible, like I could conquer the world with you by my side. But I'm just a fraud, you are the one people want to see and talk to and interview.”

 

“Chat Noir, we both know that isn’t true. Stop talking nonsense and just transform already. You can get through this.” Ladybug thrust his ring at him. “Take it already. I need Chat.” She prompts when he didn’t move.

 

He felt tears well up again, blurring his vision. That’s all she saw him as. “Just leave. I don't want to see you here again!” Adrien pointed to his open bedroom window. “As far as I'm concerned, Chat Noir doesn't exist. Find Master Fu and tell him he screwed up. Tell Alya to stop posting old news scraps about us. Find Hawkmoth and tell him he won. Scream it from the rooftops. Chat Noir is dead. And you can’t come here again.”

 

Ladybug opened her mouth to protest, only to find herself at a loss for words. “You… know how to find me if you change your mind.” She slipped her yo-yo onto her finger and held his ring tightly with her other hand.

 

“Don't wait up for me. I won't change my mind.” Adrien snapped, turning away from his partner as she flew out his window. “I never want to see you again!” He yelled back at the disappearing heroine. She probably didn’t hear him.

 

Ladybug zipped home and changed back quickly. She threw on fresh clothes and slipped Chat’s Miraculous onto the necklace chain again. It didn’t feel as heavy, but hurt all the same. The Miraculous safely tucked under her shirt, she rushed down stairs to help her mother with a huge order they've been preparing for all week. Madame Moreau is hosting an office party for an entire corporation and needs nearly 500 pastries.

 

“I'm right behind you,” Marinette rushed past her mother with a bowl of dough. Marinette was in charge of sugar cookies and fruit tarts. Her mom was making mini croissants and macaroons and her father was in the front of the house, frantically trying to manage other customers and cake orders alone.

 

“Marinette, where is the round tipped nozzle?” Her mother opened a few drawers near her and looked over at her daughter.

 

“Right here, Mama.” Marinette set down her whisk, tossing a Ziploc bag of piping nozzles at her.

 

“Thank you, dear.”

 

Marinette smiled and went back to her dough. A busy bakery day was exactly the distraction she needed right now. She didn't have any school work to worry about finishing for tomorrow, she didn't have classes today either. She could just dive in and bake to her heart's content.

 

Normally, she would take some time to visit Adrien, but after this morning's exchange, Marinette decided not to bother him. Worse comes to worse, she would shoot him a text later. He won't miss her coming by. Adrien probably doesn't like it when she stops by all the time, either. He's just too nice to say anything.

 

As it turned out, baking cookies becomes monotonous after the fourth batch and leaves too much time to think over personal issues. Marinette flipped back and forth in her head between calling Adrien, leaving him alone, or going back as Ladybug and telling him he hurt her feelings and refuses to hold onto his Miraculous and hurt their relationship even further. She even considered a fourth possibility of doing nothing and stewing in anger until she could complain to Alya about how stubborn he was. The last wasn't an option unless she wanted to out both of their identities, but just the imaginary conversation with Alya was enjoyable in her head.

 

By the time Marinette had finished with all the sugar cookies her mom was done the croissants and was halfway through basic decorative frosting for Marinette’s cooled cookies. “You looked like you could use some help,” she mused. “You've been distracted all day.”

 

“Thank you Mama,” Marinette grabbed a second pastry piping bag and joined her mother. “I've had a lot on my mind lately. I didn't realize it was that obvious.” She gave a small laugh and added swirls onto the cookies.

 

“Is it school? You know you don't have to help us down here, we do just fine.”

 

“I enjoy helping you two down here. And school isn't what's been on my mind.” Marinette sighed. It always felt better when she talked with her mom. “Adrien has been going through some stuff for about a month and a half now and he won't talk to me about it and I'm just trying to help and he isn't even listening to me? He hasn't been going to his classes and I've been taking his work in for him and I'm really worried about him and he just blows me off. I don't know what more I could do to help him and it's frustrating because I care about him and he isn't taking care of himself. I know he isn't sleeping well or hanging out with other friends and Nathalie told me he has been blowing off his photo shoots. He's isolating himself in his room and I just don't know what to do.” All her thoughts came out in one stream, like opening the floodgates.

 

Her mother listened patiently and nodded. “Marinette, I know it will be hard for you to hear, but Adrien is probably trying to work things out on his own. I know you want to help, but that's just what boys do. If he wants to include you on this, he will. But you need to respect his boundaries.”

 

“I know.” Marinette grumbled. “He should at least ask me to leave him alone.” Adrien did, she just doesn't want to hear him.

 

Her mother gave Marinette a gentle pat on the back. “Things will work out. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but they will eventually. I promise.”

 

After several more hours of baking, frosting and plating, they declared themselves finished with the huge order. Marinette and her mother were both covered in flour and frosting. Marinette gave her mom a kiss on the cheek and moved upstairs to shower.

 

She had left her phone charging upstairs on her bed when she returned from Adrien’s. While she was baking, Nino called three times, and left one voicemail. Adrien texted twice, one to ask where she was and another to say he had a bad morning and wanted to talk to someone friendly. Alya has called and texted at least forty times. Skimming through her messages, she saw her talking about plane tickets and Nino and how infuriating he was. Marinette decided to answer her friends after she cleaned herself up.

 

In the shower, Marinette found comfort in the steady stream of water and the rich lather of her shampoo. It soothed her to be clean and soft. She decided to take an extra step and exfoliate her face. It must have been more than thirty minutes later when she turned off the water. Marinette tied her robe around her waist and squeezed water from her hair.

 

Her room was warm enough to not warrant the immediate dry off and getting dressed. Marinette lay on her bed, phone held above her head, scrolling through all of Alya’s messages. Nino is coming back for the summer; he bought a ticket and wanted to surprise her. His voice mail relayed this, asking her to help plan a romantic evening. Alya found out because Nino used her email for the confirmation. Nino might not know Alya knows, so Marinette just sent a series of exclamation points and smiley faces to Nino and Alya separately.

 

She decided against texting and asking Adrien what had happened. She was still upset he yelled at her, but couldn't be outright angry because he didn't know she was Ladybug. It was a difficult line to walk most days. Instead, Marinette opened her phone’s Internet browser and logged onto the Ladyblog. A glaring headline jumped off the homepage. **_CHAT NOIR – MISSING, HIDING, OR DEAD?_** Oh no. Marinette hesitates, almost afraid to reach over and hit play on the video posted over an hour ago.

 

Somber music begins to fill her room the second her finger taps the triangular button. Alya appears less chipper than usual, her head down. “Good evening, ladybloggers. Today, I have some horrible news. After weeks of digging after the Nightingale’s attack, I have come to the conclusion we were all dreading.” She fades out and the screen starts showing pictures from that day. All of them were low angle shots from spectators or news reports of the akuma attack. “We all love our heroes. Their judgement and quick thinking have saved us all from countless attacks from the dreaded Hawkmoth, saved us from burning buildings, cats from trees, and even helped us direct traffic.” Images flashed as she described their actions. “Our heroes have won our hearts. Ladybug and Chat Noir! They are undoubtedly the best thing to happen to Paris.

 

“During the attack, Ladybug and Chat Noir are struggling to find ground to fight Nightingale. The photographic evidence is more than enough to prove that. All of us who were there don’t remember much, but our cameras do. I took this video as Ladybug subdued the akuma. Watch carefully, please.” Her face cuts to the shot of the Eiffel Tower, Ladybug and Chat Noir are jumping around it. Marinette sees herself summon her Lucky Charm. She catches the akumatized object and smashes it on the ground. Chat’s Cataclysm is still activated. The civilian falls, Chat Noir grabs her and there is a flash of light. The civilian is gone, and Chat Noir is left, grasping at thin air. “Ladybloggers, I fear the worst has happened. Chat Noir has killed a civilian. No one has seen him in two months, and now I fear the worst has come to pass. Many eye witness accounts can attest to seeing Ladybug at night, doing her patrols alone. The deceased civilian has been identified as Calliste Dupre,” A picture flashed of a young woman smiling with a man, presumably her brother due to the resemblance. “She studied as a theater major at UPMC. Calliste had many friends and family in the community and we all send out our condolences. Her funeral information is down below to any who want to attend. Her family wants to stress that they do _not_ blame Chat Noir for the events that unfolded, and they wish he could attend the funeral for their darling girl. And as tragic as this all is, Chat Noir has not been seen since. Police have started an investigation into his disappearance. Is he hiding from us? Did Chat Noir get kidnapped by Hawkmoth? Was the guilt too much for him to handle? If you have any information, please contact me here. Chat Noir, please come back. This is Alya, signing off.”

 

Marinette replayed the video twice. She knew Calliste from the bakery. Every Sunday, she bought a dozen turn-overs for her family get-together. Her funeral was in a month's time. It would be closed casket, Marinette assumed. As she kept scrolling, she saw the comment section full of condolences on the family, angry letters to Chat Noir and several to Ladybug. Marinette scrolled to the bottom of the comments, reading every single one of them. Some called Chat Noir a murderer, more called him a liar, untrustworthy, a few were calling to remove the statue from the park. It hurt to read. She couldn’t imagine how Adrien would feel when he read this.

 

She locked her phone and rolled over in bed, tucking herself in her comforter and closing her eyes. Alya’s report kept replaying itself in her head until she fell asleep. It was kind of early, and she still needed to go patrolling, but that’s what she did. Marinette let her guard down and slept with her hand curled around Chat’s Miraculous. She skipped patrol, something she has only ever done one time before, and she neglected her friend, who to be fair was just incredibly rude to her alter ego and his friend, so she justified it in her mind.

 

The next morning, Marinette stretched and greeted a groggy Tikki with a smile. “Morning!”

“Marinette, are you okay? I know Adrien said some rude things yesterday, and you fell asleep before patrol last night. I want to make sure this whole situation isn’t impacting your decision to be Ladybug.” Tikki pressed her tiny paw against Marinette’s hand. “I’m worried.”

 

“Don’t worry, Tikki.” Marinette smiled down at her Kwami. “I just had a bad day. Today will be better, you’ll see.”

 

She stood up, folding the robe against her and opening the windows in her room. There was a soft spring breeze lifting her curtains and spirit. Marinette found one of her handmade sundress and her favorite flats to wear and decided to not bother with hair ties today. Today, she felt different and needed something to reflect that. She tucked a few sweet snacks in her purse for Tikki, in case of an akuma attack while she was out later in the day. Marinette grabbed her phone, opening it to three more texts from Alya. Her excitement from last night was still strong and her friend suggested the two of them meet at the end of the week for coffee. She would do sooner, she said, but Alya’s college schedule wouldn’t allow it.

 

Adrien had messaged her a few times throughout the day, asking her if she could talk, if she was mad at him, and whether or not modeling was a good career path for him anymore.

_What happened?_ She texted quickly, and refused to answer to any of his questions.

****

**_I had a fight with a close friend and I said stuff I regret /:_ **

 

He regrets yelling at her? Or is he talking about someone else. Marinette let the text sit for several minutes, not wanting to seem too into the conversation.

_What did you say? Tell me what happened._

****

**_I really like her._ **

****

**_What if she hates me now?_ **

 

Adrien’s texts popped up in quick succession.

_Her?_

 

Marinette couldn't help wonder how he would explain his relationship with Ladybug without saying Ladybug. She stared at her phone, watching the little ellipsis chime on and off, indicating the person on the other end of the keyboard was typing. He took forever to type.

****

**_I told her I didn't want to see her again and to not talk to me._ **

****

**_She’s a super close friend. I've been working with her for years._ **

****

**_She's mad I've been avoiding her & I the first thing I say to her after all this time is that I don't want to work with her anymore._ **

****

**_What do I do?_ **

 

His four texts sit there as Marinette replayed their exchange. She couldn't help thinking that he would take back his word and reach out to Ladybug. Adrien was rude and callous to his partner and totally felt guilty. He also missed her coming over in the morning. Marinette let his message stew for a few minutes, trying to decide how to proceed. On one hand, she could lash out at him and be angry because he yelled at her and told her to get out and she had the right to be upset at him and not talk. On the other hand, she could comfort him in his time of need and help him come to terms with what he has done without being Ladybug and that would give him someone else to talk to. Damn it, Marinette picked up her phone, knowing the outcome she’d pick despite her feelings.

_Idk, but it sounds like you need a distraction, meet me at the LB/CN statue in 20. I’ll bring cookies._

 

She doesn’t give him a choice in the matter and she left his next message blinking on the screen. Marinette grabbed her bag, ushering Tikki inside and then bounced downstairs. She asked her mom to help pick out a few treats for Adrien. Her mother was surprised to hear she wasn’t heading over to his house with them, and very willing to give Marinette extras that didn’t fit in the display case or cookies that weren’t quite perfect but still delicious. Giving her mother a huge hug, Marinette promised to do the dishes later that night. Her mom accepted the offer and sent her off with a kiss.

 

“Let me know if you’ll be out past sunset, love.” Her mother waved as Marinette walked out the bakery door.

 

“Will do, Mama.” She waved cheerily back and sauntered down the slow Paris street. It was a quick turn around the corner and a few blocks straight towards the bustling park.

She knew this city like the back of her hand. Not only did she grow up in the bakery, but she learned all the alleys and turns and secret corners over the years masquerading and hiding her true identity as Paris’s favorite super hero. She knew exactly where no one was watching, where people turned away from in broad daylight, and the tight space between buildings just big enough for a teenager to duck into unnoticed and emerge twenty seconds later as the most well-known person in all of Paris. She knew the little trail leading to the perfect spot for picnics or secret confessions or private conversations most people walk by thinking it leads to nowhere. Marinette smiled and waved at a couple friends from school, she didn’t stop to talk to them, and they didn’t stop to talk to her. Both parties were too busy for anything more than just passing by.

 

\-------------------

 

Of course he saw Alya’s report. Adrien was at his desk, working on a paper due next week when the notification popped up on his phone. He watched the video once, curled up in his chair and played it over and over until Nathalie came in and nudged him out of his trance. She told him it was nearly two in the morning and he should get some sleep.

He shrugged her off and slumped into bed. Adrien wondered if Ladybug was on patrol right now, if she was angry with him, or if she had seen Alya’s video. Adrien stared at his desktop screen, frozen on Calliste’s face. He fell asleep and his nightmares returned, fresher than ever.

 

In the morning, Marinette finally texted back and eventually suggested they go to the park. She hasn’t been over there for a while, busy with school work and finals fast approaching. Spring break was greatly anticipated by both teenagers. Marionette often spent all of break with her parents in the bakery, working overtime to get her parents a night off. Adrien looked forward to break mostly because his father didn't have any shoots planned for the week and Adrien could actually be a normal person. He truly admires Marinette’s dedication and love for her family. When he is older, Adrien hopes to be with someone who is just as loving and caring as she is.

 

Tired and groggy, Adrien dragged himself out of bed to get dressed in wrinkled clothes he picked off the floor. Nathalie would absolutely die when he tries to leave the mansion looking like that. Adrien didn’t bother to look at his hair in one of the million mirrors between his bedroom and the front door.

 

“I’m going out,” Adrien said bluntly, his hand on the door knob. “Marinette wants to meet at the park.”

 

Nathalie appears out of thin air, her tablet gripped like a crutch. “Not dressed like that you won’t!” She tucked the device inside her jacket pocket and placed a firm hand on his shoulder, guiding him back to his room. “When you leave this house, you represent the Agreste name. Your father will not allow a disheveled mess to leave his front door.” She began picking up his old clothes off the floor. “Oh, for heaven’s sake, Adrien, you know better than this. While your father is away, you need to keep up appearances, in and out of the home.”

 

Grabbing an equally dirty shirt off his floor, he shrugged. “I don’t care.”

 

“Yes, you do.” Nathalie opened his closet and pulled out clean clothes out of nowhere. “You will put this on and then you will fix your hair. This is not what you do, Adrien. No matter what you feel, you must always reflect the perfection of the Agreste name.” Nathalie walked out of his room to give him a bit of privacy.

 

Adrien sighed heavily, texting Marinette that he will probably be late to their meeting. He picked up the hangers and closed the bathroom door. Nathalie was right, he was a mess. His hair was sticking out in every direction, the bags under his eyes resembled bruises and his frame was smaller than he remembered. Turning the sink faucet on, he ran his hair under the lukewarm water to make it pliable. He used the blow dryer to move bits and pieces into the right spot, smoothing everything down with a touch of hairspray. Adrien changed clothes from dirty jeans and a random shirt to fresh pressed jeans and a button up shirt with a black t-shirt underneath, just like he used to wear in junior high. He opened several drawers, looking for his personal makeup bag. If he was going out of the house he needed to look the Agreste part, Adrien somberly reminded himself.

 

Just a few quick sweeps and dabbing here and there concealed his baggy eyes, brought life to his cheeks, and made it look like he has been sleeping through the night. Having no desire to put everything away, Adrien left the messy bathroom countertop alone. Nathalie was still waiting right outside his room.

 

“Good enough.” She decided, clicking away at her tablet. “Do you need a ride to the park?” Nathalie didn’t look up from whatever she was typing.

 

“No, I’m just going to walk.” Adrien tucked his phone in his pocket. “I’ll text if I need any help.”

 

She didn’t respond, just turned around and walked back toward his father’s office.

Adrien nearly ran out the front door, fearing she would change her mind if he took too long. _You would already be there if you hadn’t given up your Miraculous._ He looked up to his open bedroom window. How many nights has he snuck out using his powers? How many times did Adrien find freedom in the open air of Paris? How many times would Calliste’s death flash before his eyes? Adrien shook his head, clearing his thoughts. Now was not the time for that.

 

\--------------

 

Marinette checked her phone again. He was late, just like he said he would be. She had been sitting on the statue’s base for a good ten minutes, several people had yelled at her to get off. Marinette ignored them. A new message pinged, letting her know Adrien was on his way. Ladybug might not be able to help Adrien, but Marinette probably could.

 

“H-hey,” Adrien smiled weakly at her, giving her an uncomfortable wave.

 

The first thing she noticed was how thin he looked. Sure, she had seen him since the incident, but it was the first time he was out in the sunlight and next to the general public. It wouldn’t surprise her if his ribs stuck out or when she goes to hug him, his hips stab her. Or maybe it was just the way his old clothes hung off a taller, leaner frame. Marinette hopped off the statue and gave him a hug, confirming her suspicions and giving him desperately needed physical contact.

 

Adrien leaned into the hug. She had always reminds him of his mother. His mother had the same smile. She carried genuine compassion and love for every living thing wherever she went.  Both women have such caring eyes, a melodious laugh, and willingness and capacity to forgive anyone. He could always tell when she was working in the bakery recently because she smelled of warm vanilla, sugar and cinnamon.

 

“I missed you,” he says before he realized they saw each other nearly every day. However brief, they still saw each other.

 

“I missed you too,” Marinette gave him a gentle squeeze before letting him go. “Let's go for a walk,” she grabs her things and leads Adrien down the hill and into the dense woods.

 

“Yeah.” Adrien blindly agrees with Marinette and held onto her hand for his own comfort. No matter how many times he’s visited this park, he had never walked down this path. Flowers popped up underfoot and looked as if no one had walked this way in years. Adrien was careful navigating thorny undergrowth and his feet tried to fall right where Marinette’s did seconds before.

 

The two walk far away from prying eyes before Marinette stops and whips around to face him. “Adrien,” Marinette started strong, her confidence wavering as she looked down toward the clover patch beneath their feet as a pause between them grew. “You haven’t been doing much of anything lately and I’m really worried about you.” Marinette bit her bottom lip. “We all are. And we're even more worried because you won't say why you're isolating yourself.”

 

Adrien took a shaky breath. “It’s complicated.”

 

“I’m all ears. I care about you, and if something is wrong, I want you to be able to talk to me about it. No matter what.” Marinette smiled softly. “You can take as long as you want to explain, but I’m not letting you leave until I know what’s going on.” She pulled a small blanket out of her bag and laid it on the ground for the two of them. “I even brought treats, so we can be here for a long time.” She sat down and produced the box of baked goodies. Marinette opened the cardboard box and took a bite out of a cookie. With a gesture to the open box, Marinette invited Adrien to sit next to her.

 

He did so, reluctantly, resting his elbows on his knees. “You saw Alya’s video last night, right?” His line of sight went anywhere but her blue bell eyes. Was he really about to confess his deepest secret to Marinette?

 

“Yeah, it’s terrible what happened. I hope Chat Noir is okay.” Marinette touched the chain by her collarbone inadvertently. “I knew Calliste, she was so kind. I wonder what happened to cause her akuma.”

 

He couldn’t do it. She would run away from him if she knew the truth. “I knew her too, and her death just… I’m having a hard time coping. We thought she ran away at first. This is… hard to talk about.” Adrien used the sleeve of his shirt to dab away tears before they ran down his face. “Sorry.”

 

“Don’t be sorry, Adrien. I understand.” Marinette handed him a tissue. “You know, there are a lot of support groups for this kind of stuff,” She started meekly. “Or you can ask your friends to be there and support you. I know we would.” Her hand closes around Chat’s miraculous. All these things she was saying to Adrien, Ladybug was telling Chat. She needed him more than ever right now and part of her felt the opposite was true as well. “You just have to ask.”

 

“What’s that?” Adrien points to her hand.

 

“Oh, it’s nothing. Just something that belongs to someone dear to me.” Marinette tucks his miraculous under her dress and smiles. “I’m holding onto it for them.”

 

“Who?” Adrien pressed. It almost looked like his ring, but he couldn’t be sure. _It's not your ring if you gave it up._ Ladybug would have held onto it for him, she trusts he will come around.

 

“Just, someone. Stop trying to change the topic.” Marinette shoved the box of pastries at him. “Eat. It looks like you haven’t had something this good in a while.”

 

“Look who's changing the subject now.” Adrien retorted, gingerly picking up a croissant. It was delicious, as expected, and Marinette was right, it seemed that more often than not, Adrien was picking at small portions of food and never finishing a meager helping. He pulled another bite off. “Are you okay?” He chewed his next bite slowly, waiting for her answer. Studying her, she seemed tense and her mind was not all in one place.

 

“Yeah, I’m worried about Chat Noir. We’ve been talking regularly since Evillstrator, and he hasn't been talking to me lately because of something I did.” Marinette pursed her lips. “And I don’t know how to talk to him without him yelling at me right now.”

 

“Why would he yell at you? What could you have possibly done wrong? Were you too nice?” Adrien laughed a little. It felt like the first time in forever.

 

“No,” Marinette shrugged. “I just did some things. He’s really special and important to me, and what he thinks of me matters a lot.”

 

Oh, is this he… _really_ special?” He raised his eyebrows.

 

“I mean, yes?” Marinette shrugged and looked sideways. Her answer surprised him. She always seemed disinterested in his jokes, rolling her eyes away worth each pun.

 

Adrien is glad she is willing to talk about something other than his problems right now. “Tell me about him. I want to know more about your life.”

 

“Well, we are basically best friends. I’d say you know a lot of my life.” She laughed but continued anyway. “Chat’s really nice, and supportive. He always can make me laugh, no matter the situation or how I'm feeling. Don't tell him, but I always think his puns are hilarious. I know I can always count on him, or I could. He’s going through a tough time accepting something that was out of his control. I’m worried about him, like I’m worried about you. I don't know what's going on in your life right now. But, you will actually talk to me. He refuses to pick up his phone.”

 

“He sounds like he wants space.” Adrien bit his lip.

 

“Yeah, I know. But it’s really hard to give him that space because I'm just so worried about him and he won't tell me how he’s feeling and I'm afraid he'll do something rash and stupid.” Marinette realized how moronic she sounded to herself. She was talking to Adrien about Chat Noir, who is, she recently found out, Adrien. “It's worse because I never find him. I can't get in touch with him unless he wants to. So I don't know where he is or what he is up to.”

 

Adrien swallowed another cookie, avoiding the sinking feeling that Marinette knew everything he had been through and that he was Chat Noir, the murderous ex-miraculous holder. The things she said fell into place. Chat Noir hasn't yelled at anyone but Ladybug lately. He hadn't seen her in months and that video this morning… Adrien shrank a little further. Was she Ladybug?

 

“But, what about you?” Marinette suddenly shifted towards him. “You’re going through a lot of stuff right now. I’m one hundred percent supporting whatever decision you make about what to do.”

 

Adrien shrugged. “I am trying to get back into things. I had a modelling thing last week, and I am meeting the guidance counselor about taking on some online classes, like the ones I shared with Calliste. Please don’t worry about me, Marinette.”

 

“I can't help it,” she blushed. “You are really important to me.”

 

Adrien smiled behind a third cookie. “You're important to me too.”

 

“Good. I better be.” She crossed her arms matter-of-factly. “Tell me about the friend you yelled at?”

 

He sighed. “She's amazing and wonderful and she can do anything she sets her mind to. She's always so on top of things, especially things that I tend to forget.” He smiled sheepishly thinking back to all the times he had forgotten about their time limit or his own limitations in battle and she reined him back to reality. “Even though I’ve known her for years, I don't know nearly as much about her as I want. I don't see her until circumstances are bad, it's rare we just hang out as friends, but we are friends. She is always working and she's so driven and determined to reach whatever goal is in front of her. And I'm always too afraid to get too close to her because I know she'll just pull back and build the wall she needlessly put between us. I want to so badly find her and tell her that I’m sorry and I miss her, but I can't get in touch with her.” Adrien sighed, frowning at his friend. “She’s not going to contact me after I yelled at her. She tried to talk and I just… I just kept yelling. I don't think she understood what I was going through and now, I’m afraid I've lost her.”

Marinette at some point had laid a comforting hand on Adrien’s knee and patted it. How badly had she wanted to tell him right there? His ring was just a thin piece of fabric away.

 

“Why don't you go after her? Go to her work and apologize to her?” Marinette prompted.

 

“She is always moving around, it would be a game of cat and mouse.” Adrien bit his cheek at his inner thoughts saying _chat and bug._

 

“Ask your dad? Doesn't he oversee all the employees?” Marinette knew very well Adrien’s father was much more a travel around the world kind of fashion head rather than look over a few employees in Paris type.

 

“He doesn't know her. She doesn’t work for him.”

 

“Text?” Marinette innocently suggested. “Surely your friend has your phone number.”

 

“She doesn't believe in personal phones. And she doesn't pick up her work phone unless she wants to talk.”

 

“What about like, putting out a personal ad or something?” She laughed at the idea.

 

“Now, that's an idea, but I don't know what newspaper she reads. I just know she follows the Ladyblog.” Adrien always made that assumption of Ladybug. She knew Alya by her blog and gave Alya exclusive interviews and always posed extra dramatically when she noticed her in the crowd.

 

“Talk to Alya!  I'm sure she'll be more than willing to help you win your girl back!” Marinette smiled widely, reaching down for her phone to call the red-head.

 

“Sh-She's not my girl!?” Adrien blushed frantically waving his hands. “Don’t involve Alya, I want to keep her identity safe.”

 

“The way you talk about her… Sorry I assumed.” Marinette rolled her eyes and pocketed her phone again.

 

“I mean, yeah, I like her a lot. But, it's not mutual!” His blush deepened at the thought. “We're just friends!”

 

“Suit yourself.” Marinette stood up, stretching her legs. “Let's keep walking, I'm getting tired of sitting.” She held out her hand to help him up. “Plus, I think you could use some exercise.” Her addition earned her a glare.

 

“I get plenty.” Adrien pouted.

 

“This is the first time I've seen you outside your bedroom for months. Nathalie is more than willing to tell me what you've been up to.” Marinette dusted and smoothed the back of her dress. “And no offense, but babies do more than what you've been up to lately.”

 

“I take offense to that.”

 

“Good.”

 

They two walked away from their nice picnic spot, not mentioning Calliste or school or modelling or, anything really. Marinette and Adrien made small talk, avoiding everything they really wanted to talk about. Their walk eventually leads them around the park and they ended up staring at Ladybug and Chat Noir’s statue.

 

“What do you think it’s like?” Adrien asks, looking up at their statue.

 

“What?” Marinette joined him, staring up at her- no _their_ secret identities.

 

“What do you think it’s like, being a superhero? To have all of Paris love you. Accept you. Hang on your every action?”

_Well, you would know._ Marinette held in a laugh. “I think, mister model, that it would be very lonely.”

 

“Why lonely?” Adrien turned his attention to the girl just a hair taller than him.

 

“Well, you would be such a public figure, you don’t get a moment to yourself unless you aren't a superhero. If you were anything short of amazing, they wouldn't care anymore, and you would have to live this lie. No one would know who you really were under a mask. No one you would truly connect with, except your partner. But, then, that's taking the chance that your partner wanted to know who you were under the mask. And then what if they had such expectations for what kind of person you would be underneath it all, and you fell short?” Marinette rambled on until she realized what she was getting very close to saying. _What if_ I _don't live up to Adrien’s expectations? What if I fall short of Chat’s idolization? What if I fail without you, Adrien?_

 

“Wow, you really think that kind of thing through.” Adrien laughed. “I would say it would be freeing.”

 

“Why?” Marinette probed.

 

“To fly above Paris and no one knows who they are. They are a faceless person the public still loves. It’s not an expectation to be adored because of who you are. They adore them because of _what_ they do.” Adrien felt a twinge of jealousy for his alter ego. The spotlight never bothered him, but as he grew older, he kept wondering if it was his name or him that attracted the photographers and job offers.

 

“I never thought of it that way.” Marinette mused. As Ladybug, she always felt a certain loneliness after the reporters buzzed away, she couldn't release her transformation and tell Alya how exhilarating the battle had been between her and a particularly bad akuma no matter how much she wanted. The only person that truly knew her was Tikki. She thought to the small red kwami in her bag, it must be lonely to have one person to interact with. At first it felt freeing to be away from her civilian responsibilities, of course. Her hair whipped around her, reckless abandon and adrenaline fueling her every leap and bound across the rooftops. As time went by, her alter ego grew lonely. She built such a wall between her and Chat that she didn't linger and talk with him anymore. She gave the reporters the precious time that used to be reserved for her partner. They would hug, congratulate each other, recount the battle, compare it to previous ones, and she missed it. Now, it might have felt like she was just with a colleague, not a friend.

 

The silence between them had grown exponentially as they kept staring up at themselves immortalized in bronze, or was it copper? Marinette never asked Theo before he moved away to Greece to study. She was perfectly content staying here, inches from Adrien, just looking at the sky. It was short lived, their peace. A loud pinging noise came from Adrien’s pocket. He gave a small smile to her, apologizing if it startled her, and quickly scrolled through his messages.

 

“I should go, Nathalie just texted me. My father wants to talk with me.” Adrien’s voice dripped with disdain. “I’ll text you, if he lets me live.” He was joking, but part of him was actually afraid of what his father needed to talk to him about.

 

“Okay, I'm glad you came.” She pushed the rest of the cookies into his arms. The smile creeping onto her face couldn't be helped. “I’ll see you soon.” As he walked away, Marinette kept her waving up longer than necessary.

 

She walked slowly in the opposite direction of Adrien, debating options for the rest of the day. She texted Alya about how much she hated math and her boredom with the day. Their banter kept her smiling and kept her walking on the bustling streets. She tucked her phone away when Alya mentions needing to go study. It was nearly eight o’clock by the time Marinette stopped her mindless wandering and seriously began her walk home. Despite it being so late, the sun was still bright and beaming, just starting to hint the slow crawl to darkness. Marinette opted for the easiest option of heading back to the bakery and greeting her mother. She told her that her walk was pleasant, just what she needed to clear her mind and get inspiration for designs for her class.

 

Marinette spent the rest of the evening sitting in her quiet place on her balcony, the lights she strung up being her only light source into the wee hours of the night. Tikki urged Marinette to bed around two in the morning, reminding her of her early morning class the next morning. Or, rather, the early morning class she has in five measly hours.

 

The next week went by exactly as she expected. Marinette drew more and baked more. Adrien never texted her back after he left to talk with his father, which bothered her, but not enough or her to say anything, because she saw him Wednesday morning before school. He looked better than the last time she saw him, color was returning to his face and his clothes looked less baggy. It took a lot to not worry about his wellbeing and family situation, but each time she nearly brings it up, Adrien pushes the topic aside with a hurried “I’m fine.”

 

And she believed him.

 

Friday afternoon, Marinette and Adrien met up for frozen yogurt and walked to the park again.

 

“You know, I think it would be lonelier to be such a big secret.” Adrien took a small bit of his yogurt and nodded.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“I’ve been thinking about what you said last time we were here. And I agree, but I think it would be lonelier to be whoever a superhero is behind the mask.”

_Oh._ His words resonated within her, striking a chord of her own self-doubt and insecurities. “I think it would be freeing to know who I was, and for them to be always guessing.” Marinette turned the tables from last week’s conversation and smiled. “But, that’s just a guess. We would never know what Ladybug and Chat Noir are feeling.” Her smile was knowing and curious. Who did Adrien think Ladybug was behind the mask?

 

They finished their frozen yogurt, keeping the conversation about Ladybug and Chat Noir up, wondering aloud and creating theories (not so much theories as truths guised as guesses) and laughing about how miraculous the whole situation seemed. Two teens plucked from who knows where and given these amazing, no, _miraculous_ , powers and told to keep everything a secret.

 

Marinette walked Adrien to the gates of his driveway, telling him to come to design class with her on Monday, or else. He made no promise, of course, but told her to drop by anyway.

 

On her walk home, Marinette ached to be in the sky once more. It had been weeks since she had transformed. Talking about her alter ego all afternoon was not helping her. Last time she was Ladybug, Adrien yelled at her.

 

Okay, it might have been a lie to tell her mom she was going into her “designing zone” and probably wouldn’t be down from her room again today. Her mother knew exactly what she meant and told her she would keep some dinner saved for her when she decided to join the human world again. She used to actually go into bouts of creativity that withdrew her from normal social interactions until hunger won out. Marinette was infinitely thankful for her parents to be understanding of a teenager’s need to be alone and no never press unless they believed she was in danger. Tonight, however, she just needed an excuse to fly through the sky.

 

Marinette discussed the day’s events with Tikki before asking the red kwami to transform her. It was time she felt free again and fly through the sky. She needed the reckless abandon and the adrenaline.

 

Ladybug was out the trapdoor within seconds. Her yo-yo zipped her towards the Eiffel Tower, where she could see almost everything. Her hair, up in pigtails, whipped around her wildly like she remembered them doing when she was years younger. Experience kept her away from building corners and stopped her from crash landing like she used to. Oh, how she missed it. Ladybug inhaled sharply, taking in the crisp spring air. She stood tall on top of the Tower. Adrien was right. She forgot how freeing it could be to be up here, and no one knew her.

 

She was Ladybug and almost all her anxious feelings had ebbed away, replaced by the sheer happiness she had flying through the sky with Chat Noir by her side. All too quickly, those feelings of anxiety came rushing back and she was hit by a realization. She missed Chat and she needed to see him. Ladybug didn’t think of where her path was taking her, but ended up across the road from the Agreste mansion, staring at the floor to ceiling windows of Adrien’s bedroom. She gathered her strength and bridged the gap, settling on the small ledge of his window and oh so carefully tapping on the pane.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pls let me know what you think<3 hmu @kissinggfish on tumblr if you really want


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